Enabling Power of the Atonement of Christ

As I was reading an article I come across this quote:

“We knew before we were born that we were coming to the earth for bodies and experience and that we would have joys and sorrows, ease and pain, comforts and hardships, health and sickness, successes and disappointments. We knew also that after a period of life we would die.” -President Spencer W. Kimball 

Did I really agree to go through the trial of losing my brother? Yes, I did. And in the moments I think I didn't I remind myself of the choice I made to follow God's plan to come here to earth and go through things that will test my faith, cause me sorrow but also things that will bring me joy and strengthen my faith.

Has this trial of losing my brother tested my faith or caused me sorrow? Yes, quite a bit.

Has it brought me joy? Yes, because as I remember the good memories I had with him, and that I will see him again it brings joy to my heart.

Has it strengthened my faith? Yes, in fact it has.

How, well the answer is through the enabling power of the Atonement of Christ. Now what exactly is that? "The enabling power of the Atonement of Christ strengthens us to do things we could never do on our own." Can I just say how much I have learned that I need to depend upon the enabling power of the Atonement daily. Usually my harder days come because I stop relying on the Atonement and try to use my own strength. 

"As you and I come to understand and employ the enabling power of the Atonement in our personal lives, we will pray and seek for strength to change our circumstances rather than praying for our circumstances to be changed. We will become agents who "act" rather than objects that are "acted upon" (2 Nephi 2:14). -President Bednar

I've heard some people say time heals all wounds. I don't know if thats true or not, but I do know that we can have strength from the Lord as we humble ourselves and pray diligently for strength instead of a change in our circumstances. I know that the enabling power of the Atonement will give us the strength to endure to the end and return back to live with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and our families.

I do believe that the bad days I still have, when I wish my brother would of never died, and I just want to give up that those days in time will be come less and less as I learn to depend upon the enabling power of the Atonement daily.

36 Years of Happiness



"And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven."-Matthew 16:19



36 years ago today, my mom and dad were married in the Manti, Utah temple for time and ALL ETERNITY. They were sealed together as husband and wife for the time here on earth, but also for eternity.

I am so grateful for that my parents made the decision 36 years ago to marry in God's temple and be sealed for eternity so that our family can be together for eternity. The knowledge of being sealed as a family for eternity is what brings me comfort in knowing we all will be together with my brother again. I love my parents very much, and I am very grateful for their example of following Jesus Christ in all that they do.

I love my family!

Enabling Power of the Atonement

The other day in a missionary meeting we sang a song called Lord, I would follow thee. There was one particular phrase that stood out to me.

  "Finding strength beyond my own." 

I couldn't help but think about my brother and the strength I have to deal with his death. Lets go back to the beginning. At first I think I was just on an adrenaline rush and I couldn't sit still because the moment I did I would think about it. There was a point about a month after it happened that I started struggling with it. During a period of about 3 months I tried to go through it on my own, so in some ways I turned away from God and I didn't find that strength. I wanted it to just go away, I didn't know why it had to happen to me and I didn't think it was fair. If I did pray, I prayed for my struggles to just go away, for it to not really be true. It didn't work. It wasn't until someone confronted me and called me out on my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ that I realized that they didn't leave me, but I left them.

I started changing what I was doing, so that I could feel God and Jesus Christ back in my life. My prayers changed, they were more sincere and I realized that just because my brother died and everything else that was going on, didn't mean God didn't love me. In fact it showed God's love for me. He knew I could handle it and that I would learn a lot from these challenges. And this is what I learned.

"O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me, because of the iniquity of this people." -Alma 31:31

Alma didn't pray for His afflictions to go away, but instead prayed for strength to deal with His afflictions. I started to pray for the strength to go through what I was going through, and miraculously my life changed drastically. As I access the enabling power of the Atonement, my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ starting growing and becoming stronger and stronger. I started feeling happier and feeling the joy that comes from following Christ. There are days that I know I wouldn't make it through without the strength of Christ. 

"..and he also gave them strength, that they should suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ..." -Alma 31:38

I know that we all can experience the enabling power of the Atonement, and receive strength to deal with the afflictions that can help us become the people that our Heavenly Father knows we can be. I encourage all to find strength beyond your own! I can promise as you do, you will feel the enabling power of the Atonement and feel the love that your Heavenly Father and Savior have for you. 

God is in all

"If the body’s capacity for normal function, defense, repair, regulation, and regeneration were to prevail without limit, life here would continue in perpetuity. Yes, we would be stranded here on earth! Mercifully for us, our Creator provided for aging and other processes that would ultimately result in our physical death. Death, like birth, is part of life. Scripture teaches that “it was not expedient that man should be reclaimed from this temporal death, for that would destroy the great plan of happiness.”20 To return to God through the gateway we call death is a joy for those who love Him and are prepared to meet Him.21 Eventually the time will come when each “spirit and … body shall be reunited again in … perfect form; both limb and joint shall be restored to its proper frame,”22 never to be separated again. For these physical gifts, thanks be to God!" - RUSSELL M. NELSON 

The words that stand out to me are "death is a joy." I don't always feel like my brother dying is a joy, but at the times that I am trusting in God, leaning on my Savior, I am comforted by the Holy Ghost to know that my brother is in a much better place. I know I will see my brother again. I can testify that death can be a joy, it all just depends on how we look at it. I know that as we learn of Heavenly Father's plan we can all experience and know the joy that comes from death.

Faith in Jesus Christ

Well I know I haven't wrote anything in awhile, but today is 7 months since my brother has passed away. And since yesterday was Easter, I thought I might say something. Jesus Christ died and he was resurrected. He lives and has made it possible for all of us to live again. Through Jesus Christ we can return back to live with our Heavenly Father and be with our families forever! I know this to be true and it has been a great comfort to me. Through Christ we can be strengthened and make it through anything!

4 month- Trusting in the Lord

Today my email from my mom was things my brother wrote in his journal when he was in 3rd grade. When he was in 3rd grade, I wasn't even born yet. It was cool to be able to read things he has written about the other siblings.  So yeah today is 4 months since my brother has passed away and I miss him a lot. In the last 10 months of my life I have experienced quite a bit of change. I don't really like change, especially drastic change. I struggle with change quite a bit, but I am slowly learning to except it as it comes. My first instinct is to fight it, exactly what I did when I first found out about my brother dying. I didn't want to admit it. Obviously I did admit it and I am dealing with it. I am learning that as I don't fight the change and I just trust in God things are a lot easier, not easy, but easier!                                   

Proverbs 3:5-6

5Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own  understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

I love this scripture and just at this moment I decided I am using this scripture as my motto for awhile. There are so many things I don't understand but I do know that God is aware and that he will guide me and help me through everything. I know that as I turn to Him and trust Him I will be able to get through anything. Right now I miss my brother so much but I am grateful for the rest of my family and how close this has brought us all together! I am grateful to know I will be able to see my brother again. Really I just have to stay strong, even though it hard. Jesus Christ knows exactly how I am feeling and he will comfort me if I turn to him. Its our choice to let Christ help us or not help us. I know for me I am stubborn and I always want to just deal with it myself and not ask for help, but when I don't ask for help things are a lot harder for me. So here goes to putting in a conscious effort into trusting in the LORD!!

Defining Moments

Well today is my birthday. I won't hear anything from my brother, but that's okay because I know he loves me and is closer than I realize!

When I first found out that my brother died, I really thought it was the end! I didn't feel like I could go on. I felt like I was riding a emotional roller coster.

As I did a lot of studying the scriptures and praying to my Heavenly Father I knew it wasn't the end. It was just a bend on the path to eternal life. The experiences I am going through from dealing with the lose of my brother has helped me in more ways than I ever thought it would.

His death was a defining moment in my life. After it happened, my faith, the things I grew up being taught, what I beleived about everything was tested. Being a missionary I teach people what I believe, but in this moment I had to know without a doubt the things I was teaching others were true. Did I actually believe in the plan of salvation? Eternal families? That there was a prophet on earth guided by Heavenly Father? Did Jesus Christ really suffer for all of our pains, afflictions, sicknesses, temptations, and sin? Was my testimony sincere or had I just been saying what I had been told my whole life? Well I am here to say during this time I prayed and I read scriptures and by the power of the Holy Ghost, I know that Jesus Christ did suffer everything for us. There is a prophet here on earth that is guided by Heavenly Father. I do believe the plan of salvation and I know that families can be together for eternity. My testimony is sincere because I know these things are true. And through the experience of losing my brother, my testimony has strengthen even more because I have been able to testify of these things more and every time I do the spirit testifies to me that the things I say are in fact true! Losing my brother has been one of the hardest things I have had to go through, but my faith in Jesus Christ has helped me through it. Its an everyday thing, but as I continue to exercise my faith, my hope grows and I know I will see my brother again! This experience has only been made easier through the Atonement of Christ!

11: And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

12: And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

13: Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me.

Alma 7:11-13

Expressing myself through writing

So about 6 years ago I was just about to sit down on a Sunday evening to watch TV with my mom and dad and I received a phone call from my sister that was out of state. She told me to leave the room where I wasn't around anyone and then told me that our good friend, Joe, died. This was the first time I ever experienced someone I was close to dying. I didn't know how to grieve and I guess for awhile I was in denial about him dying. But once the reality of his death hit and because I didn't know how to handle it, I blamed God for letting it happen. I went off the path of righteousness and I felt very alone and felt like I was in a very dark place. Before this happened I loved writing, but after it happened I stopped.

I went years without writing my true feelings about things. I just realized though that this blog is all about me expressing how I feel and how I am getting through my brother dying.  I am writing again and its helping me grieve. I really hope my blog is helping someone out there, because I know losing someone that is close to you isn't easy, but I do know that we can be healed and made whole again. Because of Jesus Christ we can make it through losing someone, or anything we go through!

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."-Philippians 4:13

My mom and dad tell me that I am really good at expressing myself through writing. That is good because most time I don't feel like I am very good at expressing my feelings when I speak. I love my brother. I always looked up to him. He didn't always make the best decisions, but he did learn from his mistakes even if his actions didn't show that he did. He was always very honest with me. Things that our parents taught us from a very young age, that when he turned 18 he didn't have to listen to, so he thought at the time, but when I was turning 18 he gave me some advice. He told me that its my choice what religion I want in my life and he told me that the things that mom and dad taught us such as the word of wisdom, law of chastity, and other commandments were good things. That they taught them to us to protect us, not to limit our fun. He told me that if he could of changed one thing about the choices he made, he wished he would of followed the things our parents taught us! My brother had faith in Jesus Christ, and so do I! I know Jesus Christ is my savior and I know He lives! I know that he was resureected and has made it possible for all of us to live again. Jesus Christ has made it possible for us to live with Him and God and our families for eternity! The biggest thing that gets me through each day is knowing that my family is sealed for eternity and I will see my brother again!

To remember Frank

My brother Frank was a glazier. Glazier: glass cutter, someone who cuts flat glass to size. I recall so many time as we drove around Anchorage, Alaska he would be like I worked on that building. He loved his job and loved talking about it. I remember his smile as he talked about the projects he worked on. I enjoyed listening to it and seeing the happiness that come from his accomplishments.   

The reason I explained this is because my wonderful mom gave me a necklace with a glass heart that was made in Alaska, and wrote the words "to remember Frank". Its not that I need something to help me remember him, but the glass heart represents him, his profession, a glass cutter. Its a small reminder that Frank is here with me and even though right now is hard and I miss him a lot, that I will see him again!

Frank's Obituary

Here is my brother's obituary. I know that my brother lived a full life and happy life. Death doesn't have to be a sad depressing thing, but it can be a happy thing because of the power of the resurrection he'll live again! I will see him again!!

Moroni 7:41 And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise.

Frank James "Jimmy" Jasper IV, beloved son, caring brother and loving uncle, died September 9, 2011 in Anchorage, Alaska at the age of 31. Frank left the confines of this mortal life early Friday morning just as he entered this life, with both his parents at his side.
A memorial service will be held at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Lake Hood Chapel located at 3340 West 40th Avenue, Anchorage, Alaska at 10:00 AM on Saturday, September 17th, 2011, with Bishop Kelly Smith officiating. Burial will be later that day in Willow.

Frank was born on September 3, 1980 in Sherwood, Oregon. "Jimmy" was the third child born to Cary Jasper and Karen Jasper while they were attending naturopathic medical school in Oregon. The oldest son, Jimmy was named after his paternal grandfather, Frank James Jasper III. As a child, Jimmy was always imaginative and adventurous. Driven by ambition, Jimmy had an entrepreneurial spirit. As the oldest boy, he was also a natural leader and peacemaker. Jimmy quickly grew into a generous and kind boy.
As a youth, Jimmy was active in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and attended early morning seminary throughout high school. Jimmy enjoyed the outdoors and loved to camp and have adventures with friends and family. Jimmy was also active in the Boy Scouts of America and earned the highest rank of Eagle Scout and held the prestigious National Historic Trails award for service performed on a float trip from Dawson City, Canada to Eagle, Alaska. Jimmy had a thirst for knowledge and excelled academically. Jimmy had a passionate spirit and enjoyed discussing business, politics, and religion with anyone who could keep up with his intellect. Jimmy was also a very charming young man who shined in high school. He was on the West Anchorage High School debate team and had a passion for flying and snow machining. Like many kids, Jimmy loved music and was a gifted musician, composing music for the piano and entertaining family and friends.

During high school, Jimmy began to insist on being called Frank in homage to his grandfather. Frank graduated from West Anchorage High School in 1999. Little Jimmy's inquisitive and adventurous spirit lived on as Frank loved to travel and experience foreign cultures. As Frank grew to be a man, his courageous heart knew no fear.

After high school, Frank pursued his dream of living abroad in Mexico where he learned to speak Spanish as a native and where he developed a deeper appreciation for his family. Frank always cherished his family and kept his siblings and cousins close wherever his adventures took him. Although fiercely independent, Frank was also sensitive and compassionate. He was an easy friend and marked his passage through life with selfless love, loyalty and persistent optimism through adversity. His charming smile could lighten the darkest room, and his gregarious laughter and sparkling blue eyes could persuade and disarm any opponent.

After returning to the United States, Frank owned several investment properties in Melbourne, Florida. Frank returned to Anchorage in 2007 to work as a glazier in the Petersen family business. Following in the footsteps of his Grandpa Jack and his uncles and cousins, Frank took up the construction business and very recently completed his apprenticeship and became a Journeyman Glazier. Although young, he lived a rich life, full of travel and adventure; Frank's limitless potential was restrained only by his priceless agency.

Frank will be greatly missed. His boundless energy, sharp mind, impassioned tenacity, integrity and loyal friendship will be treasured by all those whose lives he touched. Frank is survived by his parents, Cary Ronald Warehime Jasper and Karen Lorrie (Petersen) Jasper of Anchorage, Alaska; 4 grandparents, Frank James Jasper III, Patricia (Bailey) Jasper, Jack Merlin Petersen and Irene Nadia (De Lanskoy) Petersen of Anchorage, Alaska; 9 siblings, Amy-Clarice Jasper Beck of Florida, Lacy-Marie Jasper Hanson of Idaho, Anna Marie Jasper Walther of Massachusetts, Nicholas Rodriquez of Washington, MacCary Quentin Jasper of Alaska, Natasha Nadia Jasper Rasaka of Idaho, Oscar Hyrum Warehime Jasper of Idaho, and Karen Lorrie Jasper currently serving a mission in Tennessee; and numerous nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins, extended family and in-laws.

Sunday will come!

This morning as I was getting ready my thoughts were about my brother and how much I miss him. My eyes got watery and I wondered if this sad feeling would ever go away. As I opened up the scriptures my book turned to this scripture. 

"And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise." Moroni 7:41

And then a friend referenced a talk that as I read reminded me that because "of the life and eternal sacrifice of the Savior of the world, we will be reunited with those we have cherished."

Here are a few points from the talk that give me hope to know that I will see my brother again!

"I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross.

On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come." -Joseph B. Wirthlin

I want to testify that I know that Sunday will come. I know that Jesus Christ is our Savior and that he conquered death for each one of us. I know through the Atonement of Jesus Christ we can be cleansed and return back to our Heavenly Father. I know we can all live again with God, Jesus Christ and our family for eternity! I know that I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father and that He loves each one of us!

(Link to the talk: http://lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/sunday-will-come?lang=eng#2-)

Eternity

Missionaries: They leave their families for 18 months to 24 months to help other families spend eternity together.

My parents were married in the temple and sealed for time and all eternity, because of that I want everyone else to know how they can be sealed to their family for all time and eternity.

On the hardest days when I miss my brother I remind myself that my family is sealed together for eternity and I know I will see my brother again and spend eternity with my family.

3 months

3 months have passed since my brother has passed away. Lets just say it hasn't been an easy 3 months. Then again it has been easier than I ever expected losing a sibling at such a young age would be. Its not because I don't miss him but its because I know God's plan for us. I know that he is where he is needed right now. I know that through the power of the resurrection my brother will live again! I know that I will see him again! Its also because of my faith in Jesus Christ! I know because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ I can be healed and be made whole again. I know that Jesus Christ knows exactly how I am feeling. I know as I keep turning to Him and trusting Him he will comfort me and help me know that everything is going to be ok. That I will see my brother again!

Here is a few scriptures that help me remember what Jesus Christ did for me!

2 Nephi 9:21

9 And he cometh into the world that he may save all men if they will hearken unto his voice; for behold, he suffereth the pains of all men, yea, the pains of every living creature, both men, women, and children, who belong to the family of Adam.

Alma 7:11-12   
11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
 12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

Moroni 7:40-42

40 And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning hope. How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope?

41 And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise.

42 Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope.

Memories of Frank at Christmas time

My first Christmas that my Brother Frank will not be around to celebrate!
I just wanted to talk about how much I love my brother Frank and how grateful I am for the memories I have of him when we were kids celebrating Christmas. When we were all younger my mom had us make gifts instead of buying them since none of us really had our own money. So there were many different things made and given for Christmas. Some of the things I remember so vividly is the things my brother did for me. I remember one year he made tied-dyed shirts for all of us. I remember us putting them on and all matching and just loving it so much.
Me being the youngest of the 8 kids, I always thought my older siblings were so cool, especially my older brother Frank. During this time his bedroom was upstairs and I always wanted to hang out with him but because I was his annoy little sister he never really ever let me. But this year at Christmas he made coupons for me. These coupons entitled me to come into his bedroom and hang out with him for like 15 minutes at a time. It may seem so simple and silly but to me it meant so much to me. He gave me the gift of time and now I cherish those moments spent with him, just hanging out in his bedroom basically doing whatever he was doing. I am so grateful for my brother and he thoughtful gifts.

In A Letter Home

Here is a song on the CD The Work--By The Nashville Tribute Band called In a letter home. The first few times I ever heard this song it brought tears to my eyes. I almost think of these words being said my brother. Back in June I wrote a letter to my brother one morning while I was doing my scripture studies. I was definately promted by the spirit to write the letter I did. The letter was straight to the point but filled with love. I just recited some scriptures to him and I told him a story about a family and how the Atonement of Jesus Christ had helped them in their lives. I bore my testimony of the things that I knew to be true. I ended the letter with a simply statement of saying that I loved him and I just wanted him to be in the Celestial Kingdom with me and the rest of our family for eternity! Of course a few months later my dad told me that my brother died, but right afterwards said to me how grateful he was that I wrote this letter to him. My dad told me that the whole weekend before he passed away he talked a lot about the letter I sent him. My brother never responded back to the letter, but from what my dad said I know it had an inpact on him. I am grateful that I followed the spirit and wrote him the letter. I am also grateful fotr this song because I believe a lot of the words are what he would of said to me if he had written me back.

In A Letter Home

You've always known how much I look up to you
And you were happy to lead the way
Somehow you found the faith to put that tag on
But I was never sure I could catch that plane

I've Made mistakes you know that left me broken
And I've scarred the hearts of mom and dad
But this prodigal son is doing things I've never done
As I pray for mercy with all I have
Down on my knees I'm finding answers
How could I have known?

In a letter home you'd save me
How did you know that I just wasn't right?
You gave me words to break free
From thousands of miles you saved my life
In a letter home

I close my eyes tonight and try hard to picture
What life is like for you out there
And I'm finding courage in your faith in me
And you need to know I feel your prayers
Over and over I read your words as they soften this heart of stone

Repeat Chorus

That love's the thing that always mattered most
That Jesus really died to save me, oh
Two years in a foreign land
How'd you know that you would find the most desperate man
In a letter home

Repeat Chorus
  

-Thank you Nashville Tribute Band for this song!-

I know my that Redeemer lives!

Here is a song that as Sister McCall and Elder Payne sung filled me with the spirit and gave me comfort to know that I will see my brother again.

I know that my Redeemer lives;
What comfort this sweet sentence gives
He lives, He lives who once was dead
He lives, my everliving Head
He lives to bless me with His love
He lives to plead for me above
He lives, my hungry soul to feed
He lives to bless in time of need.

He lives to grant me rich supply
He lives to guide me with His eye
He lives to comfort me when faint
He lives to hear my soul's complaint.
He lives to silence all my fears
He lives to wipe away my tears
He lives to calm my troubled heart
He lives all blessings to impart

He lives, my kind, wise, heavenly Friend
He lives and loves me to the end
He lives, and while He lives I'll sing
He lives, my Prophet, Priest and King
He lives and grants me daily breath
He lives and I shall conquer death
He lives, my mansion to prepare
He lives to bring me safely there.

He lives, all glory to His name
He lives, my Savior, still the same
Oh sweet the joy this sentence gives
I know that my Redeemer lives
He lives, all glory to His name
He lives, my Savior, still th esame
Oh sweet the joy this sentence gives
I know that my Redeemer lives.

Tender Mercy from God!

Have you ever wondered why things happen the way they do?-- I do, all the time! I have come to the conclusion that God is there and has a lot to do with what happens in our life. Especially if you are praying and having that relationship with Him, He is then definately guiding it!

Story time! Before I left on my mission for 18 months I was in Idaho and then went home back to Alaska the weeks pior to when I was suppose to leave. I was planning on going to Utah the Friday before the Wednesday I was suppose to go to the missionary training center (mtc). My parents were coming with me and all my family in Idaho were going to meet us in Utah. Well things changed due to getting sick and I didn't actually go to the MTC until the Saturday after the Wednesday I was suppose to go.  Of course because of not going until then I was able to see my Brother Frank because he come home from Nome, AK to Anchorage on Monday. If I had left when I had planned to at first I wouldn't of saw him before I left.

In the moment I didn't notice that this was a tender mercy from God. That God knew what was going to happen and he blessed me with this opportunity to be able to spend time with my brother for a week before I left.
It wasn't until 6 motnhs into my mission that I realized what a great blessing this was. My brother dying was so hard for me and it still is sometimes, but I know that Heavenly Father knew it was going to happen and blessed me with the opportunity of seeing him before I left.

Serving a mission while dealing with this has its ups and downs, but overall it has been such a tremdous blessing because as I put the Lord first and serve Him I stop feeling sorry for myself and my faith in Him grows so much. The spirit gives me so much comfort in knowing that I will see my brother again!

I am so grateful for the tender mercies in my life! I am so grateful to know that God is my loving Heavenly Father and that he is aware of everything I go through and is helping me every step of the way!!

Fighting with Satan

I feel like when good things are happening Satan tries even harder to get us down. He tries to discourage us by making us feel worthless and that nothing we do is good enough.

Guess what? I have been fighting with Satan and he has been getting to me a lot lately! I hate to admit this but the last few days I feel like my hope has been slowly diminishing. I miss my brother so much that I have feelings of anger and sadness. I have so many irrational thoughts about other family members dying. Even the words of what happened with my brother play over and over in my head. These thoughts then turn into my dreams when I sleep, leading to my tiredness and never actually wanting to go to sleep. The more tired I am, the grumpier I am.

Yesterday was one of those days I woke up in a bad mood. And my bad mood continued on and effected others. (Which I am sorry for that.) At a certain point in the day all I felt like doing was to cry! Of course being a missionary there isn't really time to feel sorry for yourself. (Even though that is what I wanted to do.) There are people that we needed to visit to help them become closer to their Heavenly Father! At the moment I wasn't sure that I could help anyone else because I felt like I couldn't even help myself. (I learned though as we help others it also helps ourself.) So we went to see this sweet lady that we are helping her learn english by reading The Book of Mormon together. As we read I started feeling the spirit again. I started feeling the love of my Heavenly Father again. A verse that hit me the most as we were reading is:

1 Nephi 3:7
I ^awill go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no ^bcommandments unto the children of men, save he shall ^cprepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.

I was reminded that my Heavenly Father is aware of the things I am going through, but just because He is aware doesn't necessarily make it easier, it just gives me that comfort to know that I won't go through anything that Heavenly Father won't prepare a way for me to be able to.

I know that the things I am experiencing are hard. There are days I just really want to give up, but I am grateful for those around me that have shown me their love and support to me even in the moments when I don't recognize it or accept it. I am grateful for the scriptures in my life because I know they are from God and as I read them I feel the love of God. I am grateful for my Savior and all that He went through so he could always comfort us and know how we feel.

2 Nephi 2:11 "For it must needs be, that there is an ^aopposition in all things." but in those times of opposition we are told in John 14:18 "I will not leave you ^acomfortless: I will ^bcome to you."

In hard times we got to remember good times and let those around you help you.

Learning to trust in God by recognizing His love

Today is two months since my brother has passed away. Everyday is a battle to decide to either be angry about it or to turn to God and trust Him.

Proverbs 3:5-6 reads:
5 ¶^aTrust in the Lord with all thine ^bheart; and lean not unto thine ^cown ^dunderstanding.

 6 In all thy ways ^aacknowledge him, and he shall ^bdirect thy ^cpaths.

Here are some experiences that has helped me trust God.

When I first found out about my brother I was at this families house that they immediately hugged me and helped me feel the Saviors love for me. They took care of me and listen to me as I talked about how it made me feel. I am so grateful for them and their support!

There was another family that had also recently gone through a losing someone very close to them. I was far away from my family but this family made me feel like I was part of theirs. They showed me so much love and gave me so much support. They taught me how I could still find joy and comfort during this time. They are such an amazing family and there is no doubt in my mind that God put us in each other lives during this time. God loves us and is aware of what we need to help us!

Also at this time I had an amazing friend. We were with each other 24/7 during this time. She was really sick and so was I when I found out about my brother. Even though as sick as she was she continued to do as much as she possibly could to support me. She continued to serve me and love me even during her own trials. She taught me the importance of service, of charity. That when we are going through hard times instead of feeling sorry for our self we can serve others and feel so much joy from that.

Another experience is recently I met this guy that his sister died the same way my brother did. Is this a coincidence? No, not at all. I know that we crossed paths because Heavenly Father has His hand's in everything. I know that I am in his life to help him have a closer relationship with his Heavenly Father. I also know that he will help me in many ways. This experience has really taught me to trust in God and to know that I am where I am right now for a reason.

Something I have learned a lot over the last two months is that everyday we are going to be faced with trials and temptations, but that these trials and temptations we face are a blessing in disguise. Heavenly Father trust me to go through these things so I can learn a lot from them. As I go through them and trust God, He will help me and give me the strength and comfort I need to go through them. I know that my faith in Jesus Christ doesn't always make things easier but it does give me the hope that I know good things are to come. Through these and many more experiences I have felt the love of my Heavenly Father. I know He is there and is watching over us.

Finding comfort in losing a loved one

On September 9, 2011 I received a phone call from my mom and dad. A phone call from your parents shouldn't be an unusual thing, but as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Church it is. We only talk to our parents twice a year and email once a week and communicate through letters, reason being so we can stay focused on the Lord's work! So receiving a phone call was very unusual. At first they just asked how I was feeling, since they knew I had been pretty sick from having a bad gall bladder. Then they got to the point of why they called. They told me that my brother, Frank had passed away.

At first I wanted to respond with anger and yell and say that its not possible, but I couldn't because the Spirit of God comforted me to know that things will be ok.

The scripture  John 14:18

"I will not leave you ^acomfortless: I will ^bcome to you." 

has become very real to me since that moment I found out about my brother had passed away.

Don't get me wrong though, every day has been a struggle and I sometimes catch myself thinking about the things my brother will miss out on. In those moments I have to refocus on the faith that I have in my Savior, Jesus Christ and know that through Jesus Christ I can find comfort in losing a loved one.

Some of the ways I find comfort:

*Reading the Book of Mormon and Bible

*Serving others

*Teaching about Jesus Christ

*Obeying God's commandments

Mosiah 15:7-9, 20-23 reads:

7 Yea, even so he shall be led, ^acrucified, and slain, the ^bflesh becoming subject even unto death, the ^cwill of the Son being swallowed up in the will of the Father.

8 And thus God breaketh the ^abands of death, having gained the ^bvictory over death; giving the Son power to make ^cintercession for the children of men—

9 Having ascended into heaven, having the bowels of mercy; being filled with compassion towards the children of men; standing betwixt them and justice; having broken the bands of death, taken upon ^ahimself their iniquity and their transgressions, having redeemed them, and ^bsatisfied the demands of justice.

 20 But behold, the bands of death shall be broken, and the Son reigneth, and hath power over the dead; therefore, he bringeth to pass the resurrection of the dead.

21 And there cometh a resurrection, even a ^afirst resurrection; yea, even a resurrection of those that have been, and who are, and who shall be, even until the resurrection of Christ—for so shall he be called.

22 And now, the resurrection of all the prophets, and all those that have believed in their words, or all those that have kept the commandments of God, shall come forth in the first resurrection; therefore, they are the first resurrection.

23 They are raised to ^adwell with God who has redeemed them; thus they have eternal life through Christ, who has ^bbroken the bands of death.

I know because of The Atonement of Christ that all of us will live again!! I know that I will see my brother again and that I will be able to live with him and my family for eternity. I know that if I listen to the Prophet's words and follow the commandments of God that I will live with my Heavenly Father and my family. I know that my brother will live again and that I will see him again. I am human and so I know that I will at times feel sad and miss my brother, but because I know God's plan, I have hope. I know good things are to come here on earth and when I return back to my Heavenly Father.