By my side

Since the day I saw this I wanted it and a friend sent it to me the other day! Even though my brother is gone physically, he is still by my side. I am so grateful for my parents teaching us since we were little that family is important. Because of that I was able to develop a good relationship with him, even though he is 10 years older than me. I love my brother and I miss him, but I know that he is by my side and giving me strength and motivation to follow Jesus Christ and always make good choices so that I can live with my Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and my family for eternity!

Things happen according to God's will

Why are our loved ones taken off this earth leaving behind so many to feel such sorrow from it? When my brother died, he was 31 years old, he still had many years to live. I still have many years to live and many events, such as getting married, having children, and many other big events that I felt like he should be there for physically. I thought it unfair that God would take away my brother at a young age, when there was so many more things he needed to be here for. For awhile I let these feelings build up and it just caused me to be more angry. After time I realized that I needed to change something and I did. I expressed my sadness, angry and all my feelings to God. I let Jesus Christ heal me from the death of my brother.
Recently I have heard so many express feelings of losing a loved one and the unfairness of it. The not understanding why is hard, but something that I have learned is that no one is taken off this earth before there time.

In the Book of Mormon Chapter 14 Alma and Amulek had to watch many people that believed in the word of God be burned to death. Amulek wanted to save them and He asked Alma if they could save them?
Alma 14:11-13
11 But Alma said unto him: The Spirit constraineth me that I must not stretch forth mine hand; for behold the Lord receiveth them up unto himself, in glory; and he doth suffer that they may do this thing, or that the people may do this thing unto them, according to the hardness of their hearts, that the judgments which he shall exercise upon them in his wrath may be just; and the blood of the innocent shall stand as a witness against them, yea, and cry mightily against them at the last day.
 12 Now Amulek said unto Alma: Behold, perhaps they will burn us also.
 13 And Alma said: Be it according to the will of the Lord. But, behold, our work is not finished; therefore they burn us not.

After reading this chapter the spirit confirmed to me that no one is taken off this earth before their time, its only God's will when someone dies and return back to Him. God is in control and if it wasn't the time for my brother to go, he would still be here. When it gets hard and I miss my brother, I just remember that things happen according to God's will. I know that when bad things happen it hard not to be mad, but I know as we express our feelings to our Heavenly Father we will feel the love He has for us!

Hope

Yesterday I had the opportunity to talk to another sister missionary that very recently lost her younger brother. As I talked to her I came to a realization. We both find it hard dealing with the fact that our brothers have passed away. Most people I find that have lost a family member have a hard time with it. There is a difference between my friend and I and a lot of other people. Let me try to explain. I have moments that are hard and I become sad. Most of the time though I do pretty well because of the knowledge I have. I know I will see my brother again. I know what happens after we die. I know that God has a plan for us.  I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life and because I live the Gospel of Jesus Christ I have found happiness amongst the hard times. I have hope because I know through Jesus Christ I will be able to see my brother again. Now I have found a lot of people that don't have the hope I do and that is why I am serving a full-time mission so that I can spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ with all. So that everyone can find the happiness and joy I have.

Happy Birthday Mom

Well, today is 8 months since my brother has passed away. And I didn't want to let that get me down, so I asked for a priesthood blessing of comfort. Which was awesome. The spirit was very strong and I am so grateful for worthy priesthood holders that are in my life. One of the hardest thing for me is when I focus on the big events in my life that my brother won't be there physically. Well the thing that stood out the most was when my blessing said that my brother will be there at all of those events. I am so grateful for priesthood blessings and the comfort it brings to me and the strength they give me to go on and serve the Lord. Well today is also my mom's birthday, so I don't want to focus so much on the lost of my brother, but on my mom. I want to focus on the things my mom have taught me.

"..they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them." -Alma 56:47

My mom has been a great example to me. By her example I have learned to be steadfast in my faith even during hard times. The day I left Alaska on my mission, my mom gave me an article and at the end she wrote down her testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. She expressed her love to me and told me how proud she was of me. Every time I have had a hard time, my mom has always been there to listen to me and give me encouraging words. I know that as I have faith and do the right thing as my mom has taught me, all things will work out. I love my mom very much and I am so grateful for her! 

To help others

Some people have asked me why I have given up all I have given up for 18 months to serve a mission? Well before I left on my mission the reason I decided to serve one was because through the promptings of the Spirit, I knew God wanted me to serve a mission. I will admit I didn't necessarily want to, but since I knew God wanted me to know, I made the decision to because of the love I have for God and Jesus Christ. 

After my brother died, so many people asked why I didn't go home to be there for my family and for the funeral. Well the decision wasn't an easy one. I prayed and asked God what He wanted me to do, and received the answer to stay. Even after receiving the answer though it was still really hard to not go home. 

Lets just say when it rains it pours! 

At the time, I was scheduled to get surgery not even a week after my brother died, why shouldn't I just go home. I was very discouraged, and couldn't understand why I had to go through so many things at once. I wasn't sure why God wanted me to stay. Things didn't seem to get any easier for quite awhile, at points I felt like it was pointless for me to stay on a mission.

Over time I am beginning to understand why to all of what I went through. That it wasn't just to make me miserable but to help me learn and grow so that I might be able to help others.

“And we have suffered all manner of afflictions, and all this, that perhaps we might be the means of saving some soul; and we supposed that our joy would be full if perhaps we could be the means of saving some.” -Alma 26:30

Since my brothers death, I have been able to help others have the hope of seeing loved ones again. I have been able to help them have the hope that comes from the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I have helped people learn how to have a personal relationship with their Savior. The many afflictions I went through were because God knew they would help me be able to help others. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father and my Savior and allowing me to learn and grow so much. I am grateful for the strength they have given me to go through these afflictions and to help others.