In A Letter Home

Here is a song on the CD The Work--By The Nashville Tribute Band called In a letter home. The first few times I ever heard this song it brought tears to my eyes. I almost think of these words being said my brother. Back in June I wrote a letter to my brother one morning while I was doing my scripture studies. I was definately promted by the spirit to write the letter I did. The letter was straight to the point but filled with love. I just recited some scriptures to him and I told him a story about a family and how the Atonement of Jesus Christ had helped them in their lives. I bore my testimony of the things that I knew to be true. I ended the letter with a simply statement of saying that I loved him and I just wanted him to be in the Celestial Kingdom with me and the rest of our family for eternity! Of course a few months later my dad told me that my brother died, but right afterwards said to me how grateful he was that I wrote this letter to him. My dad told me that the whole weekend before he passed away he talked a lot about the letter I sent him. My brother never responded back to the letter, but from what my dad said I know it had an inpact on him. I am grateful that I followed the spirit and wrote him the letter. I am also grateful fotr this song because I believe a lot of the words are what he would of said to me if he had written me back.

In A Letter Home

You've always known how much I look up to you
And you were happy to lead the way
Somehow you found the faith to put that tag on
But I was never sure I could catch that plane

I've Made mistakes you know that left me broken
And I've scarred the hearts of mom and dad
But this prodigal son is doing things I've never done
As I pray for mercy with all I have
Down on my knees I'm finding answers
How could I have known?

In a letter home you'd save me
How did you know that I just wasn't right?
You gave me words to break free
From thousands of miles you saved my life
In a letter home

I close my eyes tonight and try hard to picture
What life is like for you out there
And I'm finding courage in your faith in me
And you need to know I feel your prayers
Over and over I read your words as they soften this heart of stone

Repeat Chorus

That love's the thing that always mattered most
That Jesus really died to save me, oh
Two years in a foreign land
How'd you know that you would find the most desperate man
In a letter home

Repeat Chorus
  

-Thank you Nashville Tribute Band for this song!-

I know my that Redeemer lives!

Here is a song that as Sister McCall and Elder Payne sung filled me with the spirit and gave me comfort to know that I will see my brother again.

I know that my Redeemer lives;
What comfort this sweet sentence gives
He lives, He lives who once was dead
He lives, my everliving Head
He lives to bless me with His love
He lives to plead for me above
He lives, my hungry soul to feed
He lives to bless in time of need.

He lives to grant me rich supply
He lives to guide me with His eye
He lives to comfort me when faint
He lives to hear my soul's complaint.
He lives to silence all my fears
He lives to wipe away my tears
He lives to calm my troubled heart
He lives all blessings to impart

He lives, my kind, wise, heavenly Friend
He lives and loves me to the end
He lives, and while He lives I'll sing
He lives, my Prophet, Priest and King
He lives and grants me daily breath
He lives and I shall conquer death
He lives, my mansion to prepare
He lives to bring me safely there.

He lives, all glory to His name
He lives, my Savior, still the same
Oh sweet the joy this sentence gives
I know that my Redeemer lives
He lives, all glory to His name
He lives, my Savior, still th esame
Oh sweet the joy this sentence gives
I know that my Redeemer lives.

Tender Mercy from God!

Have you ever wondered why things happen the way they do?-- I do, all the time! I have come to the conclusion that God is there and has a lot to do with what happens in our life. Especially if you are praying and having that relationship with Him, He is then definately guiding it!

Story time! Before I left on my mission for 18 months I was in Idaho and then went home back to Alaska the weeks pior to when I was suppose to leave. I was planning on going to Utah the Friday before the Wednesday I was suppose to go to the missionary training center (mtc). My parents were coming with me and all my family in Idaho were going to meet us in Utah. Well things changed due to getting sick and I didn't actually go to the MTC until the Saturday after the Wednesday I was suppose to go.  Of course because of not going until then I was able to see my Brother Frank because he come home from Nome, AK to Anchorage on Monday. If I had left when I had planned to at first I wouldn't of saw him before I left.

In the moment I didn't notice that this was a tender mercy from God. That God knew what was going to happen and he blessed me with this opportunity to be able to spend time with my brother for a week before I left.
It wasn't until 6 motnhs into my mission that I realized what a great blessing this was. My brother dying was so hard for me and it still is sometimes, but I know that Heavenly Father knew it was going to happen and blessed me with the opportunity of seeing him before I left.

Serving a mission while dealing with this has its ups and downs, but overall it has been such a tremdous blessing because as I put the Lord first and serve Him I stop feeling sorry for myself and my faith in Him grows so much. The spirit gives me so much comfort in knowing that I will see my brother again!

I am so grateful for the tender mercies in my life! I am so grateful to know that God is my loving Heavenly Father and that he is aware of everything I go through and is helping me every step of the way!!

Fighting with Satan

I feel like when good things are happening Satan tries even harder to get us down. He tries to discourage us by making us feel worthless and that nothing we do is good enough.

Guess what? I have been fighting with Satan and he has been getting to me a lot lately! I hate to admit this but the last few days I feel like my hope has been slowly diminishing. I miss my brother so much that I have feelings of anger and sadness. I have so many irrational thoughts about other family members dying. Even the words of what happened with my brother play over and over in my head. These thoughts then turn into my dreams when I sleep, leading to my tiredness and never actually wanting to go to sleep. The more tired I am, the grumpier I am.

Yesterday was one of those days I woke up in a bad mood. And my bad mood continued on and effected others. (Which I am sorry for that.) At a certain point in the day all I felt like doing was to cry! Of course being a missionary there isn't really time to feel sorry for yourself. (Even though that is what I wanted to do.) There are people that we needed to visit to help them become closer to their Heavenly Father! At the moment I wasn't sure that I could help anyone else because I felt like I couldn't even help myself. (I learned though as we help others it also helps ourself.) So we went to see this sweet lady that we are helping her learn english by reading The Book of Mormon together. As we read I started feeling the spirit again. I started feeling the love of my Heavenly Father again. A verse that hit me the most as we were reading is:

1 Nephi 3:7
I ^awill go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no ^bcommandments unto the children of men, save he shall ^cprepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.

I was reminded that my Heavenly Father is aware of the things I am going through, but just because He is aware doesn't necessarily make it easier, it just gives me that comfort to know that I won't go through anything that Heavenly Father won't prepare a way for me to be able to.

I know that the things I am experiencing are hard. There are days I just really want to give up, but I am grateful for those around me that have shown me their love and support to me even in the moments when I don't recognize it or accept it. I am grateful for the scriptures in my life because I know they are from God and as I read them I feel the love of God. I am grateful for my Savior and all that He went through so he could always comfort us and know how we feel.

2 Nephi 2:11 "For it must needs be, that there is an ^aopposition in all things." but in those times of opposition we are told in John 14:18 "I will not leave you ^acomfortless: I will ^bcome to you."

In hard times we got to remember good times and let those around you help you.

Learning to trust in God by recognizing His love

Today is two months since my brother has passed away. Everyday is a battle to decide to either be angry about it or to turn to God and trust Him.

Proverbs 3:5-6 reads:
5 ¶^aTrust in the Lord with all thine ^bheart; and lean not unto thine ^cown ^dunderstanding.

 6 In all thy ways ^aacknowledge him, and he shall ^bdirect thy ^cpaths.

Here are some experiences that has helped me trust God.

When I first found out about my brother I was at this families house that they immediately hugged me and helped me feel the Saviors love for me. They took care of me and listen to me as I talked about how it made me feel. I am so grateful for them and their support!

There was another family that had also recently gone through a losing someone very close to them. I was far away from my family but this family made me feel like I was part of theirs. They showed me so much love and gave me so much support. They taught me how I could still find joy and comfort during this time. They are such an amazing family and there is no doubt in my mind that God put us in each other lives during this time. God loves us and is aware of what we need to help us!

Also at this time I had an amazing friend. We were with each other 24/7 during this time. She was really sick and so was I when I found out about my brother. Even though as sick as she was she continued to do as much as she possibly could to support me. She continued to serve me and love me even during her own trials. She taught me the importance of service, of charity. That when we are going through hard times instead of feeling sorry for our self we can serve others and feel so much joy from that.

Another experience is recently I met this guy that his sister died the same way my brother did. Is this a coincidence? No, not at all. I know that we crossed paths because Heavenly Father has His hand's in everything. I know that I am in his life to help him have a closer relationship with his Heavenly Father. I also know that he will help me in many ways. This experience has really taught me to trust in God and to know that I am where I am right now for a reason.

Something I have learned a lot over the last two months is that everyday we are going to be faced with trials and temptations, but that these trials and temptations we face are a blessing in disguise. Heavenly Father trust me to go through these things so I can learn a lot from them. As I go through them and trust God, He will help me and give me the strength and comfort I need to go through them. I know that my faith in Jesus Christ doesn't always make things easier but it does give me the hope that I know good things are to come. Through these and many more experiences I have felt the love of my Heavenly Father. I know He is there and is watching over us.

Finding comfort in losing a loved one

On September 9, 2011 I received a phone call from my mom and dad. A phone call from your parents shouldn't be an unusual thing, but as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Church it is. We only talk to our parents twice a year and email once a week and communicate through letters, reason being so we can stay focused on the Lord's work! So receiving a phone call was very unusual. At first they just asked how I was feeling, since they knew I had been pretty sick from having a bad gall bladder. Then they got to the point of why they called. They told me that my brother, Frank had passed away.

At first I wanted to respond with anger and yell and say that its not possible, but I couldn't because the Spirit of God comforted me to know that things will be ok.

The scripture  John 14:18

"I will not leave you ^acomfortless: I will ^bcome to you." 

has become very real to me since that moment I found out about my brother had passed away.

Don't get me wrong though, every day has been a struggle and I sometimes catch myself thinking about the things my brother will miss out on. In those moments I have to refocus on the faith that I have in my Savior, Jesus Christ and know that through Jesus Christ I can find comfort in losing a loved one.

Some of the ways I find comfort:

*Reading the Book of Mormon and Bible

*Serving others

*Teaching about Jesus Christ

*Obeying God's commandments

Mosiah 15:7-9, 20-23 reads:

7 Yea, even so he shall be led, ^acrucified, and slain, the ^bflesh becoming subject even unto death, the ^cwill of the Son being swallowed up in the will of the Father.

8 And thus God breaketh the ^abands of death, having gained the ^bvictory over death; giving the Son power to make ^cintercession for the children of men—

9 Having ascended into heaven, having the bowels of mercy; being filled with compassion towards the children of men; standing betwixt them and justice; having broken the bands of death, taken upon ^ahimself their iniquity and their transgressions, having redeemed them, and ^bsatisfied the demands of justice.

 20 But behold, the bands of death shall be broken, and the Son reigneth, and hath power over the dead; therefore, he bringeth to pass the resurrection of the dead.

21 And there cometh a resurrection, even a ^afirst resurrection; yea, even a resurrection of those that have been, and who are, and who shall be, even until the resurrection of Christ—for so shall he be called.

22 And now, the resurrection of all the prophets, and all those that have believed in their words, or all those that have kept the commandments of God, shall come forth in the first resurrection; therefore, they are the first resurrection.

23 They are raised to ^adwell with God who has redeemed them; thus they have eternal life through Christ, who has ^bbroken the bands of death.

I know because of The Atonement of Christ that all of us will live again!! I know that I will see my brother again and that I will be able to live with him and my family for eternity. I know that if I listen to the Prophet's words and follow the commandments of God that I will live with my Heavenly Father and my family. I know that my brother will live again and that I will see him again. I am human and so I know that I will at times feel sad and miss my brother, but because I know God's plan, I have hope. I know good things are to come here on earth and when I return back to my Heavenly Father.